Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
