No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
