dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
