I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
