This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
he shaved USA in his pubs
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
