I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
50% drunk capacity currently
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
