Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
How's work?
Spinning.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
