You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
