woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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