I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I pour the whiskey from now on
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
