he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
