Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
