I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
