woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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