After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
