YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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