The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
