He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
