Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
