so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
