Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
