9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Randomize
