Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
