Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
