Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
