She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
