stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
