playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
