I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
