It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
