the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
