apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
