Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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