He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
