hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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