did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
