After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize