He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
