I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
