Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
