So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
