This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
