please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
