It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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