Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
