I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
