And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
