I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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