Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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