FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize