Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
