i may or may not be watching the land before time
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
