Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
