We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize