Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
