I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
