Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
