I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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