You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Randomize
