Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
