And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
