just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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