Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
